Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
