he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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