listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
