hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh god the rape fog is back!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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