Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
