I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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