im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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