Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
