Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
