apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're like the curious george of whores
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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