..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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