I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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