hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
