I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
