while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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