she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
