I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my poor anus
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
