I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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