Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
