the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
