Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
