why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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