I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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