We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
