hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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