I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
