ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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