did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
handjob tips. give me some.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
