I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
