I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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