Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
