Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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