he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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