I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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