What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
