I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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