Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
