1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
