You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
