You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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