remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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