Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
