did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize