Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
everyone is single if you try hard enough
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
