I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
