I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
