Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
we're so committed to being not committed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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