Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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