Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize