No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think my nap took me to another dimension
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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