your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
