no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
