You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
