He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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