I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
