Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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