Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
