I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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