I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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