2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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