My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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