her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
